HOLY CRAP!

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Here’s an event the kids won’t be able to stop talking about for hours afterward: the Middletown Reformed Church is holding a cow pie bingo fundraiser this weekend.

That’s right, cow pies. Whichever numbered square in a 500-square-foot grid Elsie drops her excrement into first is the winning box, and the holder of the $20 ticket assigned to that box claims a $5,000 prize. The church gets the other half of the $10,000 pot.

The event is scheduled for 1p on Saturday at Potter’s Farm on Red Hill Road, at the intersection of Garden State Parkway exit 114.

For those curious about the logistics of this kind of event, there’s a website for that advises organizers to “make sure that the animal is well-fed on the day of the fundraising event, to assure a timely ‘deposit.’ ” Last year, the Middletown cow meandered for 20 minutes before getting into the game, we’re told.

The site also advises that there be an impartial line judge to determine close calls. The Middletown Church’s rules say that if a pie lands on a border of two or more squares, whichever square has the most kerplop wins; if it’s too close to call, the winnings are divided.

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