WATCHING THE WAVERLY GRAND PRIX
This week’s spotlight comment is by ‘Ditch Waverly.’
Readers of redbankgreen comments may be familiar with Ditch’s occasional postings. Quite evidently written by a resident of Waverly Place in Red Bank, they’re framed kind of as dispatches from the front porch, but with some wild imaginings and mordant wit thrown in.
Here’s Ditch’s standout comment of last week, from a story about a truck that got stuck under the West Front Street railroad trestle:
Yes, yes a slow news day in Red Bank. So I thought it would be a good time to update everybody on the goings on here on Waverly Place.
Ironically I just got off the phone with some of the folks over here on Waverly, and I think we are going to install our very own overpass. We will fund it by selling advertising to businesses owned by local politicians, and in return we will put up their campaign signs on our yards. Ed Zipprich can audit the signs to make sure we have our “elects” and “re-elects” correct.
Anyhow, the clearance of the overpass will be about an inch too short for all oversized SUVs. It will be a perfect solution to the Soccer Mom to YMCA Grand Prix. And it will be a neighborhood building exercise as we can gather around our coolers of beer and watch the tops get ripped off Detroit’s finest pieces of machinery. Kids love this stuff.
Speaking of beer, my wife Bumpy and I were standing on our front porch at about 6:45 AM yesterday morning when a Latin American chap in some sort of landscaping uniform walked by belting down a can of Miller Lite. Before my very eyes, he crumbled the empty can in his hand and tossed it on the street. I just wanted to apologize to my neighbors, because I probably woke a few of you up with the tongue-lashing I gave the guy. I am not sure he understood English, but he retrieved the can and walked down the street like he had just deposited something in the back of his skivvies. It just proves that in an inclusive town we can all find a common language.
One last thing. We on Waverly Place feel snubbed by Gov. Corzine. The guy keeps on showing up in Red Bank, yet never comes down our street. How the hell does he think he is going to get re-elected? He is down by like 10 points in the polls, his approval rating sucks, and he is bald. He needs a miracle, and miracles happen here on Waverly Place. Ask Ed Zipprich. Zips knocked on our doors with basically no political stance and nothing to tell him us about himself and look where his now!!!
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