RED BANK: THE CURIOUS CASE OF AN ALLEGED STEAMROLLER-DRIVING FIG THIEF

Anne Davis stands on Hubbard Park near her fig tree as a decidedly innocent driver who she says is NOT the one who stole her figs approaches on the same road roller she says the alleged fig thief was driving. (Photo by Brian Donohue. Click to enlarge.)

By BRIAN DONOHUE

Anne Davis of Red Bank stood under the branches of her fig tree last week with a bowl of fresh-picked fruit in her hands and a smile on her face. And based on her placid countenance and the sweet harvest in her clutches, you might not be able to tell — but Davis is pretty darned mad.

The target of her ire: a sticky-fingered steamroller driver she says brazenly plucked some figs from her tree without permission two weeks ago and stuffed them in his greedy maw. Oh, and his boss too.

“One of your men is stealing my figs,” she recalled telling the boss of a road crew on which the alleged fig thief was working. “The man who identified himself as a manager said that they were nice figs and he would have taken them too,” she recounted. “And I just said, ‘you’re a thief.'”

The claim of a steamroller-driving fig thief on the prowl has reverberated to the halls of power, with Red Bank Borough Manager Jim Gant (pictured below) saying any future trespassing or fruit thievery could result in contractors being banned from lucrative borough contracts.

Red Bank Borough Manager Jim Gant 092025

“The Borough absolutely condemns any worker — whether or not they are a borough employee — entering private property and taking anything that is not rightfully theirs,”Gant said in an email in respose to questions from a reporter.

“Such conduct is unacceptable and will not be tolerated,” he continued. “Our engineer and onsite inspector acted quickly to address this issue by contacting the borough’s contractor and reiterating that all employees are expected to conduct themselves professionally and respectfully when working in our community.”

In some cities, like San Francisco, it is legal for foragers to pluck fruit from a tree whose branches extend into a public right of way as Davis’s does.

In many places, it is illegal. In others, it remains a legal grey area. Red Bank does not appear to have any specific reference to the situation in its ordinances.

That’s irrelevant anyway, Davis says, because the worker wasn’t just reaching for the low-hanging morsels on the branches that hang over onto Hubbard Place, but reaching well onto her property to pluck the forbidden fruit.

Here’s the story as she tells it: On August 28, workers with contractor Fernandes Construction were replacing a sanitary sewer main on Hubbard Park, a small horseshoe-shaped lane that runs along the side of her property, which faces River Road.

A member of the work crew, apparently hungry, was driving a Dynapac CC1200 double drum vibratory roller down the lane when he stopped near her fig tree, she said.

“I saw him picking figs and then I saw him heading back to his machine with a handful of figs,” Davis recalled. “I told him he was stealing.”

After her chat with the manager, she notified Red Bank officials of the matter through a form on the borough’s web site.

Another worker identified by Davis as not the one she said took her figs, rolls by her fig tree on the slow moving getaway vehicle used by the alleged culprit. (photo by Brian Donohue)

“How can the Borough hire contractors who condone theft? ” she wrote in the email to redbankgreen.

Last Wednesday, redbankgreen set out for Hubbard park to investigate the fig-pilfering incident.

Several workers we approached denied having been the alleged fig picker. A visual inspection of the Dynapac CC1200 showed no signs of incriminating stickiness or pulpy residue.

Workers replacing a sanitary sewer line on Hubbard Park, all of whom denied knowing anything about any figs. (photo by Brian Donohue)

Asked whether a worker on his crew had taken or eaten Davis’s figs, the manager on duty, who identified himself as Paul, said, “I don’t recall it.”

“I don’t understand the statement,” he continued. “If there’s a crime, then she should go to the police. I don’t understand the issue. The last thing I want to see is my name on the news saying my employees are stealing figs. And I’m not gonna tell you anything else.”

A possible solution arose when Davis’s neighbor, Vinny Picciotto, said he also had fig trees in his yard. It’s been such a good year for figs that he now has more figs than he knows what to do with.

“I’m giving figs away,” he said. “You want some?

Vinny Piccioto has a bumper crop of extra figs, information that never seemed to have made it to a member of an alleged fig-loving road crew working on a new sewer line near his home on Hubbard Park. (photo by Brian Donohue)

Always striving to be a force for community harmony, redbankgreen then proposed the happy solution: Picciotto could give some of his bounty both to Davis, to compensate for the fruit lost to theft, and to the fig-loving worker to prevent any future temptation.

“Sure!” he said in response to our idea. “I would love to!”

Moments later, Red Bank Police Chief Mike Frazee appeared near the scene of the road closure where Hubbard Park meets River Road.

We asked if he was there to investigate the fig incident, but he said he was simply working a traffic detail. Because of the large number of construction scenes and road projects being done in town these days, it seems even the chief has to go out and do road detail.

Police Chief Mike Frazee, happily not investigating the case of the stolen figs after a complaint was sent to the water utility. (photo by Brian Donohue)

While Frazee seemed relieved that Davis had not filed her complaint with his department, he did recount an incident from his childhood in which he learned firsthand how miffed fig growers can become when someone meddles with the fruits of their labors.

It seems the young Frazee and his friends were playing kickball in Red Bank years ago when the ball hit a neighbor’s tree and broke off a branch. “He came out and was really mad,” Frazee recalled, still with a glint of fear in his eyes.

It was not until we conducted the most important part of our investigation that we ourselves gained a deeper understanding of the motivations of the parties on all sides: We plucked a small soft fig from a top branch of Davis’s tree (with full permission) and tasted it.

redbankgreen editor investigates. (photo by Brian Donohue)

It was crazy delicious.

Delicious enough, perhaps, to have caused the alleged thief’s hypothalamus to override his moral compass. And succulent and tasty enough that such a theft would totally piss off the person who had worked so hard to grow them.

In the end, Davis said she was satisfied with the borough manager’s hard line against contractors stealing from residents’ gardens.

“I think that’s an appropriate response,” she said. “They shouldn’t be pilfering.”

redbankgreen editor Brian Donohue may be reached via email at [email protected] or by calling or texting 848-331-8331 or yelling his name loudly as he walks by. Do you value the news coverage provided by redbankgreen? Please become a financial supporter if you haven’t already. Click here to set your own level of monthly or annual contribution.